Drew's First Month
Thursday 5/14/09:
What a difference a day makes. Tuesday was rotten and the minute that day was over Drew was like a whole different baby. I guess it took him a week to get used to life and it took us a week to get used to him. It also helps that I am feeling better. I still get really hurty if I do stuff. I had no idea how sore and worn out I would be after giving birth. I'm so thankful that my parents were here for a little while, it was nice to just be able to hand the baby to someone for a little bit and my mom actually let me get chunks of sleep that I would not have gotten otherwise. It was sad, she had to leave today. I really do wish we all lived closer, it's hard not knowing when we'll see each other again and knowing that Drew will grow so fast, but I don't like to think about that part. I don't want my baby to grow up fast. It's very strange, exactly one year ago today my parents left my house as well (5/14/08), and then I called them and said I had a miscarriage. This time I have a healthy baby boy. I'm so thankful that he's here, I love him so much. I just laid him down in his little bassinet and he's sleeping, on his own, without cuddling with mommy. It's nice that he's asleep without me but it really makes me sad to see him sleeping all alone. I miss not having him close to me, he's been my buddy for over 9 months now, I enjoy cuddling with him. But at 3am I will appreciate him sleeping alone :)
I learned a valuable lesson today, always go pee before you start feeding baby. I figured Drew would nurse about 15-20 minutes, no problem...65 minutes later the little bugger was done. I thought my bladder was going to explode. The doctor said Drew's stomach could hold about 1-2 ounces, I think that's wrong. You don't eat for an hour and only get an ounce or two of food.
Awww, my baby is growing up already, he lost his dried up belly button yuck today. I was going to give him a bath to celebrate but when I pulled the new tub out there were instructions and I needed a screwdriver, for a bathtub!. So I gave my little guy a sponge bath, which he screamed through and then wrapped him up tight, he's now clean and full and sleeping on my chest. I love all the little noises he makes when he's sleeping on me, he also gets little smiles on his face. I wish I knew what he was dreaming about that was making him so happy :) I bet it's me!
Friday 5/15/09:
lesson of the day - no matter how tired you are don't change the baby in your own bed. It was somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, possibly 2am. I was exhausted and Andrew would not settle down to sleep. I fed him and bounced him and then heard a bunch of baby tummy noises, time to change the diaper. I laid his blanket down on my bed and was just going to change him real quick. Nothing at 2am with a sleep deprived mom is ever real quick. I fumbled around in the dark to get everything I needed and started changing him. I was wiping his butt when he I heard what sounded like water and him screaming, he was peeing on his face! I quickly turned him so he wouldn't continue to pee on himself and he proceeded to pee all over his shirt, his blanket, my sheets, and Gary! Ugh, next time I will use the changing table, even if I am tired.
Saturday 5/16/09:
The American Pediatric society would love to get their hands on me. Since Andrew came home he's been sleeping with me. I don't like hearing cry, no wait, it's not that I don't like it I just can't let him cry, I have to pick him up, it makes me sad to hear him cry and then I cry and then we are both crying, how is that a good thing? So Andrew and I have found very comfortable ways to sleep together. Hehehe, I'm sleeping with 2 men every night. Last night he fell asleep near me, not snuggled on me like usual but he fell asleep on his tummy, another huge no-no, though both my husband and I were (still are) stomach sleepers. I'll work on getting him on his back and in his crib but he's not even 2 weeks old yet, there's plenty of time for him to not want to be with mommy, I just love having him in my arms now. This evening he actually slept in his bassinet for a nap. I put him down around 5pm so I could eat and it's now about 6:15 and he's still napping. That's huge, he usually starts crying about 5 minutes after I put him down. But he still isn't following all the rules, he is sleeping on his side. Though I didn't put him like that, he roles over on his side. I didn't think an infant would be able to roll around so much but he's one active little guy. He's also so handsy, which he was inside me as well. I have to try to do something with his nails tonight, he's marked his pretty little face all up.
Monday 5/18/09:
Today it's just me and Drew, daddy went back to work. I think we'll be okay. Yesterday and last night were rough. We're still trying to figure things out. After Drew eats he screams, when he lays down he coughs and chokes and gurgles and then cries. I don't know if he's not burping enough or if his food is coming back up, he's not spitting up though. When I try to burp him he cries like he's in pain, and he gets mad because I've interrupted his feeding. But people have said to burp him after every ounce, not like I know when he's eaten an ounce but I try to burp him after 15 min's, he does not like burping when he's eating. I guess it will just take time to get things right.
It's noon and I'm still in my jammies, what happened to the day? I didn't do anything, well that's not true. I fed the baby, changed the baby, fed the baby, rocked the baby, burped the baby, napped with the baby, fed the baby, changed the baby, finally put Andrew in his crib where he is sleeping soundly, but on his tummy. He will fall asleep instantly and stay asleep on his tummy, he gurgles and chokes and coughs on his back. I'm not sure what to do about that yet. When I picked him up off my chest I had a little hand print on my skin, it was so cute. I love his little hands :)
Wednesday 5/20/09:
My little guy is 2 weeks old, He looks more person like and less alien like everyday :) I still think newborns are weird looking but I love my little weird looking guy. My days are going pretty good so far, I know it hasn't been very long but I'm starting to figure out what to do all day and in one way it's nice to only have to worry about Andrew. I am done with my classes so I don't have homework, I am on leave so I don't have to worry about work, all I need to do is cater to Andrew's every need. I like it, it's really laid back. If it wasn't for the fact that I keep up on his feedings I would have no reason to ever look at a clock, there's never been a better time in my whole life. I love taking care of my little guy. It's funny how people lie to you about newborns though. These are the same people that said pregnant people are warm, I was freezing all the time. Now I'm a little warm, but Drew is like a little oven, he gives off so much heat. People told me babies sleep up to 17 hours a day, maybe they meant per week because there's no way Drew is sleeping any where near that amount. Let's see other lies I've heard, babies feed 8 to 12 times a day, meaning every 2 to 3 hours. Okay, this isn't a lie but people left out a huge piece of information on this. Drew feeds somewhere between every hour to every 4 hours, here's the kicker...it takes him an hour to eat most times. This means if he eats every 2 hours and it takes him an hour to eat I have an hour in between feedings, that would be false as well. He has a little acid reflux issue if I lay him down after eating so I have to keep him more upright for about 30 minutes after he eats, now I'm down to just 30 minutes before it's time to whip out the girls again. It's exhausting, I can see why people bottle feed. I just keep telling myself that I'm doing the best thing for him. Let's see what else is false that I've heard so far...breastfeeding isn't a form of birth control. You wanna bet, when you only have 30 minutes between feedings do you really want to spend your only 30 minutes without a little guy attached to your body just to have a big guy attached to your body, I don't think so, this is the best form of birth control ever. On that same point who is thinking about anything going near their nether regions anytime soon. Seriously who are these crazy people that get pregnant before their 6 week check up. Which brings me to the next lie, you'll forget all about the pain as soon as you see your baby. Nope, not true, as far as I'm concerned now Andrew can be an only child. I am not about to go through that again anytime soon. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still sore, people way underestimated the amount of pain you feel when you have a baby. Awww, Gary is holding a sleeping baby right now, they are so cute together, I would get a picture but Gary doesn't like his picture taken, so I won't torture him, he's being a good sport taking Andrew and calming him down.
Friday 5/22/09:
Yesterday Andrew ate and ate and ate, I couldn't get anything done but today has been perfect so far. I fed Drew last night around 7pm, he was asleep by 8pm in my arms. At 9 I went upstairs and put him in his crib and I went to bed. Just after 10pm Drew woke up and Gary played with him for a bit and then I woke up. I fed him and again and just after 11pm he was asleep again. I laid him down next to me in bed and went to sleep myself. At 2:45 he was making some noises and rooting around in his sleep...must be feeding time. I got up and went into his room to feed him, he's a noisy eater. We rocked and ate and listened to my iPod until 4:45 and then went back to bed. He slept next to me until 8:45am. It was great. Then we came down stairs and I got breakfast and a magazine and settled down for another feeding. He ate, while I read him some articles from my magazine and I ate my cereal one handed, I am getting to be the queen of one handed activities (hehehe, that sounds dirty). When he was done I put him in his crib and pumped from the other side. When I was done with that I bounced him in his seat and danced around the living room with him. We were just about to do our mommy baby yoga dvd but he got hungry again so I fed him and now he's napping with mommy. Gary is coming home early today so hopefully he'll see Drew when he's happy, around 4pm when Gary gets home seems to be Drew's grumpy time.
Saturday 5/23/09:
I don't leave Andrew unattended so I want to know how gypsies sneak into my house at 10pm and steal my good baby and leave me with monster baby until 8am. I don't get it?! He's a nice sweet happy baby and then night time comes and he's pure evil. He cries if he's not eating and he wants to eat all night long. I am so good with him during the day but at night I can't take it, I just want a little non-feeding, non-crying time. By the time the sun comes up my boobs are so sore and I'm so tired and then all of a sudden the gypsies give me back my happy baby. Why won't he just settle down at night? Gary and I were planning on going to the arboretum and having a picnic today but we were both up all night long so now we're both grumpy and don't really feel like doing anything. Of course since the sun is up Drew is happily napping in his bassinet. I got it, I should move to Alaska when they have all sunlight, I would have happy baby all the time!
Monday 5/25/09:
I finally have a minute without a baby in my arms to update here. It's been rough, don't get me wrong I love little Drew but babies are hard work. At least I am feeling better, I'm still not 100% but I'm not in pain anymore, just slight discomfort every now and then. I think that's the worst part, you can deal with a lot unless you're in pain, then your body just wants you to recover but you can't, you have a little person who needs you. I have people that have said if I need anything to let them know but honestly I don't even know what I need and when I really need someone it's like 5am, baby has been up all night and I just need someone to hold him while I get 2 hours of sleep, but who can I call at 5am that will come over and sit at my house for a few hours. I could have used someone the other night too; Drew cried from 8pm to midnight. It was awful, nothing made him happy. Hopefully that doesn't happen again tonight, we're getting close to 8pm. It's funny a few days ago I was thinking that Drew sounds like the sesame street count when he cries. One, one crying baby, ah ah ah. And now I'm convinced that he is related to a vampire in some way. Drew sleeps during the daylight hours only to wake at night and instead of sucking blood he finds something else to suck on. As soon as the sun comes up he's ready for a nap again. Well 8pm came and went and you could set your clock by it, but at least he wasn't as grumpy as yesterday. He fussed until 8:30, then I fed him until 9pm, he fell asleep so I attempted to put him to bed. After about 10 minutes he started crying, I tried to get him to settle back down without picking him up but it didn't work. I cuddled and rocked him until about 10pm when I fed him again and he finally fell asleep with me. He slept well until 1am when I got up and fed him a nice big meal and came back to bed, then he wanted to eat at 3am, 4am, and 5am. I really think I'm going to pump for my night time feedings. Drew just likes to be on mommy and falls asleep before he's full. Maybe if he ate from a bottle at night I would know that he was getting enough food and if he woke an hour later it would be for closeness or a clean diaper, not eating. It's so hard, I don't want to not give him something he needs but I think he just nurses for comfort, at 4am he ate for just a few minutes and fell back to sleep. The problem I'm having with the pumping for night time feedings is that it takes me all day to get 2 ounces and he needs more than that. I just don't understand, I pump for 30 minutes and get maybe an ounce, when Drew eats milk is everywhere, he can't keep up with it. He stops to catch his breath and he's overflowing with milk. Also when he's eating from one side the other side is like a milk volcano, isn't there an off valve. It's frustrating there's milk everywhere, running out of Drew's mouth, dripping down my side, soaking my shirt, but when I want to pump I can't get any. This stuff is like liquid gold, I am so careful with the small bottle that I pump too. I'm so afraid I'm going to spill it and be out a whole days worth of work.
I guess how it goes in the baby is how it comes out of the baby too. Milk volcano in, poop volcano out. I have never heard anything poo so loud. He's a tiny baby, how does he make such a big sound. It's pretty funny, it scares him too. You'll hear this huge explosion and then he'll start crying. If I heard my poo shoot out of my body like that I would probably cry too. Yesterday he had poo everywhere, it was up his back, all over his boy parts, and got his cute little jammies all poopy. He is a poop machine. It's fun to laugh at him because it's the only thing he does except eat and sleep now.
Friday 5/29/09:
It's only taken almost a month but I'm starting to get bored. I wish I could just set Andrew down and do some things around the house. Maybe I'll try it, I just feel bad making him (letting him) cry. He's crying for a reason and I don't want him to think I don't care about him but I can't just sit around holding him all day. I already spend so much time sitting on my butt feeding him. Let's see he's just over 3 weeks old, so lets say 25 days. If he feeds on average 10 times a day for 30 minutes each time (though usually it's longer) that's 300 minutes everyday I sit feeding him, that's 5 hours a day of just eating time. Now he's been here approximately 25 days, that's 125 hours that I've sat around watching him eat. Then you have to add in the time that I rock him after he eats because I can't lay him down right away. And I wonder why my neck hurts? It's not becuase I carry him around all day, it's because for more than 5 hours a day I'm looking down at him. I can't help it, he's so cute. Whenever he's eating I'm watching him, when he's sleeping in my arms, I'm looking down at him. I love to look at him. The highlight of my day is when he falls asleep in my arms and while I'm watching him sleep he smiles. Sometimes it's a little Elvis grin with just a little lip curl to show off his little dimple other times it's a huge smile with mouth wide open. I love these times. I guess it's just reassurance to me that he is okay. I know what people say, that it's just gas, but those people are crazy, he screams and cries when he has gas. Sometimes he farts so loud he wakes himself up and then starts crying. These are little smiles and they are the reason I sit and stare at him all day long. Just to know that he's happy when he's sleeping makes me feel good. I don't get anything from him when he's awake, it's either crying or not crying but I'm never sure if he's happy, just content. Sleepy smiles are the highlight of my day.
Sunday 5/31/09:
I have such a big guy! Last night Andrew noticed that he has hands. He was waving them around and all of a sudden he looked at them and watched himself move them. He's so smart. I've also noticed that he moved them more deliberately too. When he first came home he would have his eyes wide open and randomly a finger would end up in one, he would look at me like he was saying lady, tell this guy to stop poking me in the eye. Now he doesn't randomly poke his eyes out. He still grabs a hold of his cheek chub and leaves little finger marks in it but it's getting better.
You wouldn't think sleep would be the hardest part of being a baby. I can't seem to get Drew comfortable. It's not that he's crying because he's lonely or just wants to be held he chokes and coughs and spits up every time I lay him on his back, and not just to sleep, even to change his diaper he fusses when he's on his back. I'm glad we're going to the Dr. on Tuesday, maybe his food is coming up? I looked at sleeping wedges at the store and the one they had only had about a 15 degree angle, Drew really needs to be at a 45 degree angle or he gags. We ended up buying some $40 snuggle thing, he hasn't used it yet because he was having a bad night last night but hopefully he uses it and we didn't waste our $40.
I hope people are right, but I'm not counting on it, people have lied to me since the day I got pregnant, anyway I hope they are right that things get better around 6 weeks because the longer it goes on like this the more I'm feeling like I'm not good at my new job of a mom. It sounds so simple, feed your baby, but I feel like I can't even do that right. I can't tell when he's done nursing or just taking a break, he appears full so we stop and then a few minutes later he's crying for food. When I do try to feed him he's like a wild animal. He arches his back and throws his head back, not an easy position to nurse in. He acts like he's in pain but he still wants to eat. Then when he does latch on he bangs his head against me, not every time, but many times and I don't know why. Then it's burping time, he does not like to burp for me, he cries like I'm beating him, so I don't worry about it unless he's eating from a bottle. He doesn't seem to get many air bubbles from nursing anyway and when I pick him up to switch sides or change his diaper that seems to do the trick just fine. The next problem is I nurse all the time. During the day he eats about every 2 hours, which I know is said to be normal, I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is that every evening he nurses and nurses and nurses and still cries and cries and cries. He's been nursing 2-3 hours in the evenings before bed and is still hungry. I've given him a little formula a few nights and after 3 hours on me he still eats 1 to 2 ounces of formula. It's crazy, why can't I make enough food for my baby? It's a job I'm supposed to be able to do and I can't make him happy. He's not even a month old and I can't get him enough, what's going to happen down the road? I don't want to formula feed, I can't afford to formula feed! I know I have to keep eating to make sure I have enough calories for milk production but I haven't felt good. Ever since I had him there's some times I can eat a full meal but most times I take a few bites and my stomach feels off. I know I'm probably not eating enough but I just don't feel good and food doesn't taste good most of the time. I just want to feel like myself again. Right now I feel like I can only do one of the three tasks up to par, that would be failing if it were a test. I'm glad I'm going to the Dr. in 2 weeks because I still have a lump under my arm that I don't know why it's there and I'm light headed a lot. This could go back to the not eating much thing but it's not like I'm not eating all day, I'm dizzy almost every time I stand up. It scares me when I have Drew in my arms because I feel so weak, what if I drop him! So now I'm sitting on the couch letting Andrew sleep in my arms, I would rather he slept in my arms at a 45 degree angle and I was awake than put him in his crib and make him gag and throw up. I just want to make him happy, and I feel so bad that he's uncomfortable, I can tell he's tired and wants to sleep so it's the least I can do to give him a comfortable position to sleep in.
Monday 6/1/09:
Today is much better than yesterday. Drew slept for almost 3 hours alone in his bassinet on his special sleep positioner. This means that I got much needed sleep alone in my own bed. He woke up between 12 and 1am for a feeding, which is normal and then didn't settle back down until 3:30, which again is normal. I don't know how to make this any quicker. He gets up around 12:30, we eat until about 1:30 and then change the diaper because he usually poops right after he eats, then we usually have to have a snack because he never eats all at once and just finishes. So we nurse for about another 30 minutes. Then we rock in the rocking chair until he's asleep. I thought he had gone back into deep sleep but when I tried to lay him down he woke up, so I rocked him for another 20 minutes or so and then just put him next to me in bed. He dozed on and off until about 6:30 or 7am so I got a few more minutes of sleep, he's very noisy when he's not in his deep sleep so it's hard to sleep next to him. We came downstairs and I fed him then played with him. He's making all kinds of funny faces now, he's trying to smile but doesn't have that mastered yet. Then I put him in his swing while I grabbed breakfast. He dozed for a few minutes while I ate then I changed him and danced around, then we vacuumed the floor and he ate again. He started dozing so I grabbed an ice cream bar and settled in thinking he would nap and I could read my book. He was really out so I went upstairs and put him in his bassinet and started some laundry. Well that didn't last, he woke up so I picked him up and we're now downstairs eating, again and I'm eating lunch too. He really needs to nap, he's looking tired. He's been pretty good though, no screaming today.
Tuesday 6/2/09:
Happy 1 month Andrew!
Today Andrew is one month old. One month, sometimes it feels like he's always been here other times it feels like he just moved in yesterday. The last month of pregnancy was sooooo slow yet this first month with Drew has gone so fast. Today we went to the Dr. and found out that Andrew is 8lbs 10oz. Dr. Pera was concerned that he's not gaining weight very fast. I'm feeding him all the time but he's still not putting on weight, he's only in the 10th percentile for weight. Dr. told me to make him wait 2-3 hours in between feedings and then only feed him for about 15-20 minutes each side, that is 100% different than what the lactation consultant told me and it seems weird, I have a baby that's not gaining weight, so feed him less? He said it will make him a better eater and he will stop his "snacking", I hope it works.
What a difference a day makes. Tuesday was rotten and the minute that day was over Drew was like a whole different baby. I guess it took him a week to get used to life and it took us a week to get used to him. It also helps that I am feeling better. I still get really hurty if I do stuff. I had no idea how sore and worn out I would be after giving birth. I'm so thankful that my parents were here for a little while, it was nice to just be able to hand the baby to someone for a little bit and my mom actually let me get chunks of sleep that I would not have gotten otherwise. It was sad, she had to leave today. I really do wish we all lived closer, it's hard not knowing when we'll see each other again and knowing that Drew will grow so fast, but I don't like to think about that part. I don't want my baby to grow up fast. It's very strange, exactly one year ago today my parents left my house as well (5/14/08), and then I called them and said I had a miscarriage. This time I have a healthy baby boy. I'm so thankful that he's here, I love him so much. I just laid him down in his little bassinet and he's sleeping, on his own, without cuddling with mommy. It's nice that he's asleep without me but it really makes me sad to see him sleeping all alone. I miss not having him close to me, he's been my buddy for over 9 months now, I enjoy cuddling with him. But at 3am I will appreciate him sleeping alone :)
I learned a valuable lesson today, always go pee before you start feeding baby. I figured Drew would nurse about 15-20 minutes, no problem...65 minutes later the little bugger was done. I thought my bladder was going to explode. The doctor said Drew's stomach could hold about 1-2 ounces, I think that's wrong. You don't eat for an hour and only get an ounce or two of food.
Awww, my baby is growing up already, he lost his dried up belly button yuck today. I was going to give him a bath to celebrate but when I pulled the new tub out there were instructions and I needed a screwdriver, for a bathtub!. So I gave my little guy a sponge bath, which he screamed through and then wrapped him up tight, he's now clean and full and sleeping on my chest. I love all the little noises he makes when he's sleeping on me, he also gets little smiles on his face. I wish I knew what he was dreaming about that was making him so happy :) I bet it's me!
Friday 5/15/09:
lesson of the day - no matter how tired you are don't change the baby in your own bed. It was somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, possibly 2am. I was exhausted and Andrew would not settle down to sleep. I fed him and bounced him and then heard a bunch of baby tummy noises, time to change the diaper. I laid his blanket down on my bed and was just going to change him real quick. Nothing at 2am with a sleep deprived mom is ever real quick. I fumbled around in the dark to get everything I needed and started changing him. I was wiping his butt when he I heard what sounded like water and him screaming, he was peeing on his face! I quickly turned him so he wouldn't continue to pee on himself and he proceeded to pee all over his shirt, his blanket, my sheets, and Gary! Ugh, next time I will use the changing table, even if I am tired.
Saturday 5/16/09:
The American Pediatric society would love to get their hands on me. Since Andrew came home he's been sleeping with me. I don't like hearing cry, no wait, it's not that I don't like it I just can't let him cry, I have to pick him up, it makes me sad to hear him cry and then I cry and then we are both crying, how is that a good thing? So Andrew and I have found very comfortable ways to sleep together. Hehehe, I'm sleeping with 2 men every night. Last night he fell asleep near me, not snuggled on me like usual but he fell asleep on his tummy, another huge no-no, though both my husband and I were (still are) stomach sleepers. I'll work on getting him on his back and in his crib but he's not even 2 weeks old yet, there's plenty of time for him to not want to be with mommy, I just love having him in my arms now. This evening he actually slept in his bassinet for a nap. I put him down around 5pm so I could eat and it's now about 6:15 and he's still napping. That's huge, he usually starts crying about 5 minutes after I put him down. But he still isn't following all the rules, he is sleeping on his side. Though I didn't put him like that, he roles over on his side. I didn't think an infant would be able to roll around so much but he's one active little guy. He's also so handsy, which he was inside me as well. I have to try to do something with his nails tonight, he's marked his pretty little face all up.
Monday 5/18/09:
Today it's just me and Drew, daddy went back to work. I think we'll be okay. Yesterday and last night were rough. We're still trying to figure things out. After Drew eats he screams, when he lays down he coughs and chokes and gurgles and then cries. I don't know if he's not burping enough or if his food is coming back up, he's not spitting up though. When I try to burp him he cries like he's in pain, and he gets mad because I've interrupted his feeding. But people have said to burp him after every ounce, not like I know when he's eaten an ounce but I try to burp him after 15 min's, he does not like burping when he's eating. I guess it will just take time to get things right.
It's noon and I'm still in my jammies, what happened to the day? I didn't do anything, well that's not true. I fed the baby, changed the baby, fed the baby, rocked the baby, burped the baby, napped with the baby, fed the baby, changed the baby, finally put Andrew in his crib where he is sleeping soundly, but on his tummy. He will fall asleep instantly and stay asleep on his tummy, he gurgles and chokes and coughs on his back. I'm not sure what to do about that yet. When I picked him up off my chest I had a little hand print on my skin, it was so cute. I love his little hands :)
Wednesday 5/20/09:
My little guy is 2 weeks old, He looks more person like and less alien like everyday :) I still think newborns are weird looking but I love my little weird looking guy. My days are going pretty good so far, I know it hasn't been very long but I'm starting to figure out what to do all day and in one way it's nice to only have to worry about Andrew. I am done with my classes so I don't have homework, I am on leave so I don't have to worry about work, all I need to do is cater to Andrew's every need. I like it, it's really laid back. If it wasn't for the fact that I keep up on his feedings I would have no reason to ever look at a clock, there's never been a better time in my whole life. I love taking care of my little guy. It's funny how people lie to you about newborns though. These are the same people that said pregnant people are warm, I was freezing all the time. Now I'm a little warm, but Drew is like a little oven, he gives off so much heat. People told me babies sleep up to 17 hours a day, maybe they meant per week because there's no way Drew is sleeping any where near that amount. Let's see other lies I've heard, babies feed 8 to 12 times a day, meaning every 2 to 3 hours. Okay, this isn't a lie but people left out a huge piece of information on this. Drew feeds somewhere between every hour to every 4 hours, here's the kicker...it takes him an hour to eat most times. This means if he eats every 2 hours and it takes him an hour to eat I have an hour in between feedings, that would be false as well. He has a little acid reflux issue if I lay him down after eating so I have to keep him more upright for about 30 minutes after he eats, now I'm down to just 30 minutes before it's time to whip out the girls again. It's exhausting, I can see why people bottle feed. I just keep telling myself that I'm doing the best thing for him. Let's see what else is false that I've heard so far...breastfeeding isn't a form of birth control. You wanna bet, when you only have 30 minutes between feedings do you really want to spend your only 30 minutes without a little guy attached to your body just to have a big guy attached to your body, I don't think so, this is the best form of birth control ever. On that same point who is thinking about anything going near their nether regions anytime soon. Seriously who are these crazy people that get pregnant before their 6 week check up. Which brings me to the next lie, you'll forget all about the pain as soon as you see your baby. Nope, not true, as far as I'm concerned now Andrew can be an only child. I am not about to go through that again anytime soon. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still sore, people way underestimated the amount of pain you feel when you have a baby. Awww, Gary is holding a sleeping baby right now, they are so cute together, I would get a picture but Gary doesn't like his picture taken, so I won't torture him, he's being a good sport taking Andrew and calming him down.
Friday 5/22/09:
Yesterday Andrew ate and ate and ate, I couldn't get anything done but today has been perfect so far. I fed Drew last night around 7pm, he was asleep by 8pm in my arms. At 9 I went upstairs and put him in his crib and I went to bed. Just after 10pm Drew woke up and Gary played with him for a bit and then I woke up. I fed him and again and just after 11pm he was asleep again. I laid him down next to me in bed and went to sleep myself. At 2:45 he was making some noises and rooting around in his sleep...must be feeding time. I got up and went into his room to feed him, he's a noisy eater. We rocked and ate and listened to my iPod until 4:45 and then went back to bed. He slept next to me until 8:45am. It was great. Then we came down stairs and I got breakfast and a magazine and settled down for another feeding. He ate, while I read him some articles from my magazine and I ate my cereal one handed, I am getting to be the queen of one handed activities (hehehe, that sounds dirty). When he was done I put him in his crib and pumped from the other side. When I was done with that I bounced him in his seat and danced around the living room with him. We were just about to do our mommy baby yoga dvd but he got hungry again so I fed him and now he's napping with mommy. Gary is coming home early today so hopefully he'll see Drew when he's happy, around 4pm when Gary gets home seems to be Drew's grumpy time.
Saturday 5/23/09:
I don't leave Andrew unattended so I want to know how gypsies sneak into my house at 10pm and steal my good baby and leave me with monster baby until 8am. I don't get it?! He's a nice sweet happy baby and then night time comes and he's pure evil. He cries if he's not eating and he wants to eat all night long. I am so good with him during the day but at night I can't take it, I just want a little non-feeding, non-crying time. By the time the sun comes up my boobs are so sore and I'm so tired and then all of a sudden the gypsies give me back my happy baby. Why won't he just settle down at night? Gary and I were planning on going to the arboretum and having a picnic today but we were both up all night long so now we're both grumpy and don't really feel like doing anything. Of course since the sun is up Drew is happily napping in his bassinet. I got it, I should move to Alaska when they have all sunlight, I would have happy baby all the time!
Monday 5/25/09:
I finally have a minute without a baby in my arms to update here. It's been rough, don't get me wrong I love little Drew but babies are hard work. At least I am feeling better, I'm still not 100% but I'm not in pain anymore, just slight discomfort every now and then. I think that's the worst part, you can deal with a lot unless you're in pain, then your body just wants you to recover but you can't, you have a little person who needs you. I have people that have said if I need anything to let them know but honestly I don't even know what I need and when I really need someone it's like 5am, baby has been up all night and I just need someone to hold him while I get 2 hours of sleep, but who can I call at 5am that will come over and sit at my house for a few hours. I could have used someone the other night too; Drew cried from 8pm to midnight. It was awful, nothing made him happy. Hopefully that doesn't happen again tonight, we're getting close to 8pm. It's funny a few days ago I was thinking that Drew sounds like the sesame street count when he cries. One, one crying baby, ah ah ah. And now I'm convinced that he is related to a vampire in some way. Drew sleeps during the daylight hours only to wake at night and instead of sucking blood he finds something else to suck on. As soon as the sun comes up he's ready for a nap again. Well 8pm came and went and you could set your clock by it, but at least he wasn't as grumpy as yesterday. He fussed until 8:30, then I fed him until 9pm, he fell asleep so I attempted to put him to bed. After about 10 minutes he started crying, I tried to get him to settle back down without picking him up but it didn't work. I cuddled and rocked him until about 10pm when I fed him again and he finally fell asleep with me. He slept well until 1am when I got up and fed him a nice big meal and came back to bed, then he wanted to eat at 3am, 4am, and 5am. I really think I'm going to pump for my night time feedings. Drew just likes to be on mommy and falls asleep before he's full. Maybe if he ate from a bottle at night I would know that he was getting enough food and if he woke an hour later it would be for closeness or a clean diaper, not eating. It's so hard, I don't want to not give him something he needs but I think he just nurses for comfort, at 4am he ate for just a few minutes and fell back to sleep. The problem I'm having with the pumping for night time feedings is that it takes me all day to get 2 ounces and he needs more than that. I just don't understand, I pump for 30 minutes and get maybe an ounce, when Drew eats milk is everywhere, he can't keep up with it. He stops to catch his breath and he's overflowing with milk. Also when he's eating from one side the other side is like a milk volcano, isn't there an off valve. It's frustrating there's milk everywhere, running out of Drew's mouth, dripping down my side, soaking my shirt, but when I want to pump I can't get any. This stuff is like liquid gold, I am so careful with the small bottle that I pump too. I'm so afraid I'm going to spill it and be out a whole days worth of work.
I guess how it goes in the baby is how it comes out of the baby too. Milk volcano in, poop volcano out. I have never heard anything poo so loud. He's a tiny baby, how does he make such a big sound. It's pretty funny, it scares him too. You'll hear this huge explosion and then he'll start crying. If I heard my poo shoot out of my body like that I would probably cry too. Yesterday he had poo everywhere, it was up his back, all over his boy parts, and got his cute little jammies all poopy. He is a poop machine. It's fun to laugh at him because it's the only thing he does except eat and sleep now.
Friday 5/29/09:
It's only taken almost a month but I'm starting to get bored. I wish I could just set Andrew down and do some things around the house. Maybe I'll try it, I just feel bad making him (letting him) cry. He's crying for a reason and I don't want him to think I don't care about him but I can't just sit around holding him all day. I already spend so much time sitting on my butt feeding him. Let's see he's just over 3 weeks old, so lets say 25 days. If he feeds on average 10 times a day for 30 minutes each time (though usually it's longer) that's 300 minutes everyday I sit feeding him, that's 5 hours a day of just eating time. Now he's been here approximately 25 days, that's 125 hours that I've sat around watching him eat. Then you have to add in the time that I rock him after he eats because I can't lay him down right away. And I wonder why my neck hurts? It's not becuase I carry him around all day, it's because for more than 5 hours a day I'm looking down at him. I can't help it, he's so cute. Whenever he's eating I'm watching him, when he's sleeping in my arms, I'm looking down at him. I love to look at him. The highlight of my day is when he falls asleep in my arms and while I'm watching him sleep he smiles. Sometimes it's a little Elvis grin with just a little lip curl to show off his little dimple other times it's a huge smile with mouth wide open. I love these times. I guess it's just reassurance to me that he is okay. I know what people say, that it's just gas, but those people are crazy, he screams and cries when he has gas. Sometimes he farts so loud he wakes himself up and then starts crying. These are little smiles and they are the reason I sit and stare at him all day long. Just to know that he's happy when he's sleeping makes me feel good. I don't get anything from him when he's awake, it's either crying or not crying but I'm never sure if he's happy, just content. Sleepy smiles are the highlight of my day.
Sunday 5/31/09:
I have such a big guy! Last night Andrew noticed that he has hands. He was waving them around and all of a sudden he looked at them and watched himself move them. He's so smart. I've also noticed that he moved them more deliberately too. When he first came home he would have his eyes wide open and randomly a finger would end up in one, he would look at me like he was saying lady, tell this guy to stop poking me in the eye. Now he doesn't randomly poke his eyes out. He still grabs a hold of his cheek chub and leaves little finger marks in it but it's getting better.
You wouldn't think sleep would be the hardest part of being a baby. I can't seem to get Drew comfortable. It's not that he's crying because he's lonely or just wants to be held he chokes and coughs and spits up every time I lay him on his back, and not just to sleep, even to change his diaper he fusses when he's on his back. I'm glad we're going to the Dr. on Tuesday, maybe his food is coming up? I looked at sleeping wedges at the store and the one they had only had about a 15 degree angle, Drew really needs to be at a 45 degree angle or he gags. We ended up buying some $40 snuggle thing, he hasn't used it yet because he was having a bad night last night but hopefully he uses it and we didn't waste our $40.
I hope people are right, but I'm not counting on it, people have lied to me since the day I got pregnant, anyway I hope they are right that things get better around 6 weeks because the longer it goes on like this the more I'm feeling like I'm not good at my new job of a mom. It sounds so simple, feed your baby, but I feel like I can't even do that right. I can't tell when he's done nursing or just taking a break, he appears full so we stop and then a few minutes later he's crying for food. When I do try to feed him he's like a wild animal. He arches his back and throws his head back, not an easy position to nurse in. He acts like he's in pain but he still wants to eat. Then when he does latch on he bangs his head against me, not every time, but many times and I don't know why. Then it's burping time, he does not like to burp for me, he cries like I'm beating him, so I don't worry about it unless he's eating from a bottle. He doesn't seem to get many air bubbles from nursing anyway and when I pick him up to switch sides or change his diaper that seems to do the trick just fine. The next problem is I nurse all the time. During the day he eats about every 2 hours, which I know is said to be normal, I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is that every evening he nurses and nurses and nurses and still cries and cries and cries. He's been nursing 2-3 hours in the evenings before bed and is still hungry. I've given him a little formula a few nights and after 3 hours on me he still eats 1 to 2 ounces of formula. It's crazy, why can't I make enough food for my baby? It's a job I'm supposed to be able to do and I can't make him happy. He's not even a month old and I can't get him enough, what's going to happen down the road? I don't want to formula feed, I can't afford to formula feed! I know I have to keep eating to make sure I have enough calories for milk production but I haven't felt good. Ever since I had him there's some times I can eat a full meal but most times I take a few bites and my stomach feels off. I know I'm probably not eating enough but I just don't feel good and food doesn't taste good most of the time. I just want to feel like myself again. Right now I feel like I can only do one of the three tasks up to par, that would be failing if it were a test. I'm glad I'm going to the Dr. in 2 weeks because I still have a lump under my arm that I don't know why it's there and I'm light headed a lot. This could go back to the not eating much thing but it's not like I'm not eating all day, I'm dizzy almost every time I stand up. It scares me when I have Drew in my arms because I feel so weak, what if I drop him! So now I'm sitting on the couch letting Andrew sleep in my arms, I would rather he slept in my arms at a 45 degree angle and I was awake than put him in his crib and make him gag and throw up. I just want to make him happy, and I feel so bad that he's uncomfortable, I can tell he's tired and wants to sleep so it's the least I can do to give him a comfortable position to sleep in.
Monday 6/1/09:
Today is much better than yesterday. Drew slept for almost 3 hours alone in his bassinet on his special sleep positioner. This means that I got much needed sleep alone in my own bed. He woke up between 12 and 1am for a feeding, which is normal and then didn't settle back down until 3:30, which again is normal. I don't know how to make this any quicker. He gets up around 12:30, we eat until about 1:30 and then change the diaper because he usually poops right after he eats, then we usually have to have a snack because he never eats all at once and just finishes. So we nurse for about another 30 minutes. Then we rock in the rocking chair until he's asleep. I thought he had gone back into deep sleep but when I tried to lay him down he woke up, so I rocked him for another 20 minutes or so and then just put him next to me in bed. He dozed on and off until about 6:30 or 7am so I got a few more minutes of sleep, he's very noisy when he's not in his deep sleep so it's hard to sleep next to him. We came downstairs and I fed him then played with him. He's making all kinds of funny faces now, he's trying to smile but doesn't have that mastered yet. Then I put him in his swing while I grabbed breakfast. He dozed for a few minutes while I ate then I changed him and danced around, then we vacuumed the floor and he ate again. He started dozing so I grabbed an ice cream bar and settled in thinking he would nap and I could read my book. He was really out so I went upstairs and put him in his bassinet and started some laundry. Well that didn't last, he woke up so I picked him up and we're now downstairs eating, again and I'm eating lunch too. He really needs to nap, he's looking tired. He's been pretty good though, no screaming today.
Tuesday 6/2/09:
Happy 1 month Andrew!
Today Andrew is one month old. One month, sometimes it feels like he's always been here other times it feels like he just moved in yesterday. The last month of pregnancy was sooooo slow yet this first month with Drew has gone so fast. Today we went to the Dr. and found out that Andrew is 8lbs 10oz. Dr. Pera was concerned that he's not gaining weight very fast. I'm feeding him all the time but he's still not putting on weight, he's only in the 10th percentile for weight. Dr. told me to make him wait 2-3 hours in between feedings and then only feed him for about 15-20 minutes each side, that is 100% different than what the lactation consultant told me and it seems weird, I have a baby that's not gaining weight, so feed him less? He said it will make him a better eater and he will stop his "snacking", I hope it works.
In Pictures:
My little guy looking around, a big boy belly button...no more yuck!, baby's first tummy time session, sponge bath time...he doesn't like it much...he likes being a dirty sticky baby, more tummy time...still crying, Lounging on a blanket Ann Smith made for him, The first tub bath...he is crying in these pictures but after a few minutes he settled down, warm and snuggly after bath time (shhh...don't tell anyone he's not on his back).
My little guy looking around, a big boy belly button...no more yuck!, baby's first tummy time session, sponge bath time...he doesn't like it much...he likes being a dirty sticky baby, more tummy time...still crying, Lounging on a blanket Ann Smith made for him, The first tub bath...he is crying in these pictures but after a few minutes he settled down, warm and snuggly after bath time (shhh...don't tell anyone he's not on his back).
In Pictures:
sleepy baby, Mom's 2 week outing, another sleepy baby, trying out the new sleep sack, must be doing the trick he's yawning, going for a walk on a beautiful day, cuddling with daddy, holding onto daddy, how mommy gets baby to sleep (just kidding!!!)
sleepy baby, Mom's 2 week outing, another sleepy baby, trying out the new sleep sack, must be doing the trick he's yawning, going for a walk on a beautiful day, cuddling with daddy, holding onto daddy, how mommy gets baby to sleep (just kidding!!!)
In Pictures:
Drew enjoying floor time, snuggling with mommy (sorry, boob snuck in the picture), Drew passed out and happy...tummy is finally full, Mommy using the baby sling at the arboretum, Andrew thinking about being a full 3 weeks old.
Drew enjoying floor time, snuggling with mommy (sorry, boob snuck in the picture), Drew passed out and happy...tummy is finally full, Mommy using the baby sling at the arboretum, Andrew thinking about being a full 3 weeks old.
In Pictures:
Drew and mommy snuggling on the couch, Andrew playing on his tummy, Hey enough with the pictures already, On the floor looking so cute in his dino jammies, Getting used to the swing that Grandpa Poyer got him
Drew and mommy snuggling on the couch, Andrew playing on his tummy, Hey enough with the pictures already, On the floor looking so cute in his dino jammies, Getting used to the swing that Grandpa Poyer got him
In Pictures:
Drew showing off his outfit that he came home from the hospital in, taking pictures is exhausting...time to rest
Drew showing off his outfit that he came home from the hospital in, taking pictures is exhausting...time to rest
